he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We need to get me chipped asap
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
