i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
