I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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