One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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