Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
