Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
