You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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