that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
