I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Randomize
