She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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