Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
