I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
