I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
