Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
