I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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