I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
