CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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