I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
