he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
