just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
