I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
