I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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