Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Is it penis luge time yet?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
