I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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