Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i would punch a child for taco bell
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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