4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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