remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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