New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize