I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize