i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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