What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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