Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
