508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
