His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
