OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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