so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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