what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Your dad touched me again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
