There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
