I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize