remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm getting married
To pizza
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
