My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
