What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
