u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Semen is not good for contacts.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
