After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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