May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
