oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
