I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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