i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
