life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
