someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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