I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
