go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
