Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
