You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
