this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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