if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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