so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
