Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
