Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize