He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I love having hate sex.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Let's get the cat blown out
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
