Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
