he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Small penises have feelings too.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
