that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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