I love having hate sex.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
