i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
where are my eyebrows?
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