the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
