I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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