I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
