I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
