not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
