Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
