New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
