you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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