it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
