Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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