allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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