Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize