i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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