You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
