I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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