Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
