dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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