I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
